Banana Ken
by Saitoukid1412
Summary: Kenny and Kyle get stuck together for a school buddy system. Spending enough time together they develop a deep connection, to which they yearn to heal one another. Only problem is that Kenny goes and gets himself stuck in a banana suit,and Kyle fucking hates bananas. Join as two polar opposite teenagers learn to fill eachother's voids. (K2,Cryle,Crenny,Staig,Stenny,Style,Creek)
1. Chapter 1

Last night was fucking lit. I dove into a crowd of drunk strangers, probably got laid more than once, and who knows what ever god forbidden concoctions I snorted up my nose. I'm not even gonna question what type of STDs I probably ended up with last night because all the ass I got was fucking worth it.

But I woke up this morning with a hangover over from hell, and I could taste the lava pits erupting from my tongue everytime I swallowed saliva. Most likely a result of having swallowed a cigarette but we'll find out in 8 hours.

I casually trudged my way to the local bus stop I rode since I was a kid. It's been years since I rode the bus without being stoned but hey at least I'm not dead.

Heh. That expression is almost hilarious because I die every day.

Stan Marsh eyed me seeming to have notice me chuckle into my internal monologue. He let a smile spread across his face probably due to pity as he strode a few feet closer to me.

"Damn dude, you look dead." He chuckled, as I nod my head in agreement. I looked like a fucking zombie, my eyes almost glued shut from the weight of whatever has drained my health.

"Token throws the best parties." I smirk in response.

Stan laughed amused by my enthusiastic response despite my state of being. "I'm pretty sure it went far from his control once strangers began to show up."

Probably my fault, being the party animal as I was I managed to know alot of fun people from experience.

I hear Butters Stotch laugh at a video through his phone, joining our duo enthusiastically. "Hey fellas! Did you see the new video online, panda goes completely psycho he chases everyone with an axe. Token's party is all over the internet!"

"The panda was my guy." I brag lifting my hands in triumph.

"Dude, you got the sexual harassment panda stoned at the party? That was you?" Stan scoffed in disbelief.

I may have been dead during the time that the sexual harassment panda showed up at our elementary schools, but I knew a guy who knew a guy.

Just as Butters began praising me like I'm some kind of party god, Kyle Broflovski shows up with his bag over his shoulder; having showed up just in time to hear snippets of our conversation.

"Kenny you really need to stop partying." Kyle began. "It's irresponsible and not good for your health."

Almost in the nick of time, like fate has them paired up like Terrance and Phillip in an Earth space show comedic gag, Eric Cartman shows up behind Kyle.

"It's so like Jews to want to preach their ways unto the poor people who can't help their crave for weed."

Kyle answers before I can retort Eric's comment about my economic status. "His status has nothing to do with his life choices fatass. I'm pretty sure Craig has smoked crazier things than Kenny has by now."

That's an understatement. Craig is usually always in the mood to smoke a few rolls and bone a few hoes, so it wouldn't surprise me if he'd done a few other things that I haven't been aware of.

"You need to stop hanging out with that asshole by the way dude, he's bad news." Kyle mentioned.

"He's cool tho." I say between picking some unknown substance from my ear in the process.

"See what I mean Kahl, Kenny can't even afford to shower he probably sucks Craig's dick to get the good stuff."

I laugh and wink at Kyle too stoned to have processed Eric's insult. "Yeah he has a monster cock."

Kyle looks mortified.

"Dude guys it doesn't matter let Kenny be Kenny." Stan shrugged.

"He's immortal anyway, you'd be surprised he's not dead yet."

Ha.

As the bus approaches Kyle storms unto it angrily.

"Fine, if you don't care how the people around you feel go ahead. Slowly kill yourself."

I was way too astonished to have let out another death joke into my internal monologue. Kyle and I were never close, but for some reason Kyle always cared about everyone he hung out with. He even deep down cares for that fatass underneath all the dispute and debate of their differences. I always never appreciated his speeches he gave out that usually were always right.

I wish I was alive during most of them.

I hop on the bus after everyone else on the bus boarded, immediately taking my usual seat next to Craig; Tweek and Clyde parallel next to us.

Before it used to always be those three plus Token, but since High school began I hung out with Craig almost all the time which of course made me a bridge between our quartet and theirs much to Kyle's dismay and whatever small friendship we had definitely became miniscule now.

But he still cared about me.

His voice echoing in my head seemed to be sobering me up as I was able to open my eyes a little wider now, eyeing up Craig's hatless figure, as he spinned it around in his hand. Much to me being open in terms of sexuality -him and I have engaged in threesomes together just for the record- Craig having a monster cock was sort of an estimation. During the times we did fuck a girl together we vowed to only focus on the girl and respect eachother's level of privacy. Though I didn't mind Craig jerking me off, he would blow his shit if I was to even eye his member. So I had to close my eyes during the times we did have to touch eachother.

"Dude, you smell like shit." Craig broke the five minute of silence between us during the bus ride.

"We came home 30 minutes ago, I didn't have time for the Russian shower." I smirked.

Craig scoffed and chuckled at the same time drowning me in his axe almost like a father looking out for his son. "Girls dig the lumberjack smell."

I breath more than laugh, and Craig has to slap the cough out of my smoke infested lungs.

I breeze through the first 3 periods by covering my face with my parka, muffling random shit and Stan covering me somehow by pretending he could understand me. Him having almost all periods with me, was like a match appointed to me from heaven. God blessing me since that time I managed to win the match between Heaven and Hell, despite nobody letting me fucking pass on. The life of a stoner is so much more easier when you have someone like Stan around to help a brother out.

Thank God I only have physical education with that tub of lard, him ripping on me wasn't gonna help me get through hangover hell.

By the time I reached 7th period, which was science, I was completely sober I was sweating like a pig under my parka. Not having showered was definitely something I definitely regretted, and axe over B.O, alcohol, vomit and weed isn't a great combination.

Entering the lab room I quickly dashed to the washing station clearly meant for chemical spills, I gave zero fucks, undressed myself and stood under the water and sprayed the cold water unto my half naked body.

God it was almost as good as sex.

I heard a few snickers, and heard a familiar boyish deep voice shout.

"Kenny oh my god!" Kyle stood 5 feet away, his desk being fatefully right next to the shower.

I had a quick urge to cover my abdomen but then felt my shameless personality return to me. "What? Not like you haven't seen me naked before."

Kyle refused to remove his textbook from his face, not having been reassured by me. "You're in a class room, not cool dude!"

"Kenneth McCormick." Our round and bearded science teacher entered the scene, his eyeballs almost popping from his face. "What do you think you're doing?!"

"Showering."

Everyone laughed in response to my risqué remark. But it didn't sit well with the teacher, him sending me straight to the office.

"Tucker you too. Do you think this is funny?"

"Yeah."

I laugh as well, as Craig tossed my pants at me, flipping the science teacher off and leading the way to the principal's office.

"Dude, it's kind of cute how you automatically knew where u had to go when u flipped him off." I wrap my arm around him. "Or you wanted to be alone with me after seeing my naked flesh." I wink.

Craig scoffs. "I've seen your dick dude, what is there to fangirl about."

"I still fangirl over that anaconda of yours." I gesture to his pants.

Craig flips me off. "Watch it Mccormick."

"Are you gonna punish me daddy?"

He softly punches me in the dick, hard enough to ache but not bad enough to have me crying. But he scoffs amused. I mean, when you have a 9 inch bazooka who wouldn't be flattered.

As much as I wish I had a 10 inch penis, Craig will always be fucking daddy.

But enough gawking over Craig's manhood, I honestly had enough sex to last me a life time - or kill me by sundown. I'd take a huge fucking nap when I get home.

The principal kept us long and hard having discovered about the party last night and questioning us if it was up to P.C principle. Of course Craig's stoicism kept us from giving away guilt, but Craig made him believe I didn't have plumbing in my house because I was poor as hell. Which is semi-true, it's toiletries we sometimes can't afford and leads to limited quantities.

Which is why Craig spraying me with axe meant alot to me. Soap doesn't leave a scent, and like he said, a man's musk is his greatest asset to dropping panties.

After making us sign a waiver that we had only consensual sex, Craig and I headed for the door and P.C principal stopped me in my tracks.

"Kenneth McCormick I need another 5 minutes with you." He pulled his Oakleys down the bridge of his nose, the waiver still in his hand.

I take a deep breath. "I swear to god it was only once, but she had a Unicorn mask stuck on her head and I couldn't hear her consent properly."

P.C principal stared at me blankly. "I appreciate your honesty, it was very P.C of you. But that's not the case here Kenneth." He pulls out some files.

I've been looking at your grades and conduct and it seems you fail almost every exam, despite reports that you listen in class and turn in work. At this rate if you continue to fail the rest of your tests, and don't fix your conduct of breaking school guidelines, you won't be able to graduate and lead a P.C life. Care to explain your reasons?"

That's actually something that may not be in my control. You see, when I die, I don't remember what ever I fucking learned. It's odd, like I can remember how I died, and major events, but I can't remember the small things.

Like when Kyle asked me to study with him at Stan's house, and didn't talk to me for a week for not remembering. He probably has this insecurity that I blow them off for Craig to do what ever obscenity, and I'm too stoned to remember.

For some reason, to think that Kyle pities me as this fucked up of a human, gives me this deep embarrassment in the pit of my stomach.

Why can't I just stay dead.

"Kenneth?"

PC principal breaks my chain of thought.

I sigh. "Look, my house life isn't all that great so of course studying at home isn't the best place."

"What about study hall."

I skip it.

"Not enough time." I sigh pitifully.

P.C principal thinks deeply for a moment before continuing. "Very well. I might have a solution. Have you heard of the buddy system?"

"What like hold hands with someone so you don't get lost?"

"Same concept." He answers. "But in high school we have this new program to have students with unfortunate situations be partnered up with someone with a more fortunate situation, and have them benefit from each-other." He hands me something else to sign. "Usually we find a straight A student who has something they can benefit from you, meanwhile that educationally advanced kid could help you in your ability to graduate. Basically you're holding hands so you both make it to the finish line "

I eye him, feeling like he immediately has someone to pair me up with. I sigh and sign hoping I get someone with a hot sister.

"Now about the Unicorn sex..."

I know I know this is the zillionth fanfic I started and can not garuntee consistent updates. But bare with me because I'm honestly trying to get everything updated, and have plans for this new fanfic I swear!

Thanks for reading :3


	2. Chapter 2

"Kenny! Wake up Kenny!"

I opened the inner corners of my crust infested eyelids just enough to let light enter and see the small figure that stood over me. It was Karen.  
I smiled, glad I was completely sober. Every time I was drunk or stoned I made sure I was out at Craig or Stan's house. This way I made sure to not expose the pothead in me to my little sister, whom I made a solemn promise to protect since I was in 4th grade and running around with my underwear over my pants.

It was also then that I only discovered somewhat of the reason for my immortality. But I was completely exhausted from it, that I gave up that day. I gave up looking for why, and just avoided the what. I've only very scarcely died since then. The gap turned from months to years and the longest I've lasted without dying is 3 years.

Until I was run over whilst fucked up on cat piss a few months ago. That's when my deaths began to return at a steady pace, causing me to turn to addictions to numb the trauma I experience from them.

When you've literally been to hell, and Satan's pretty cool, it beats this shitty death induced life.

Karen began playing with my hair. She was 10 years old now, but to my eyes she was still an innocent little 5 year old girl despite that I never failed to protect her.

 _Fine. If you don't care about how the people around you feel. Go ahead, slowly kill yourself._

Kyle's voice echoed through my head as smooth as chocolate but as spiky as the crunchy nut kind, almost hitting right where it hurts.

I sat up abruptly surprising Karen who had wrapped my medium-length shaggy blond hair up in small pig tails. I smiled at her and quickly reassured her I hadn't suddenly become violent. The violence she is always exposed to in this home had traumatized her of sudden human movements and reflexes always constantly wary, flinching in response.

This is why I constantly want to display the kind and protective older brother to her. I wanted her to have at least one person for her to give her full trust, one she can sweetly smile for.

Especially since I haven't been Tyke Batman in a long ass time. I considered dressing up for her again, but it'd defeat the purpose of the Peter Pan concept I tried to give her.

"Ya know Kenny, I can't wait to be 11." Karen mentions switching her attention to my nails which she then began to pretend to paint with water in one of mom's old Nail Polish bottles.

I give a sweet crooked smile in response. "And why's that?" I prep myself by sliding off the mattress so I was on her level.

She hummed before answering. "The teacher said we could have a party at the classroom, and she volunteered to bring everyone cupcakes since Ted Davy also has the same birthday. I am happy."

I give an awkward smile at the fact that she was content having to spend her birthday as someone who happens to have the same one as someone else. I would kill to give her a party of her own, but with my record of part time jobs I barely lasted a week when I'd show up high constantly resulting in poor work ethics.

But I had saved a few bucks for occasions like this, to give Karen something to smile about on her birthday. It couldn't be much, something along the lines of a baby doll or a new outfit. It made me begin to ponder whether I should get her a new shirt, as I used my freehand to move her hair away and inspect the state of her shirt.

"Karen, is there something you've always wanted?" I finally decided to ask, figuring it was time I'd at least fulfill a wish instead of surprising her with a present like I usually do. I thought, since she was turning 10, it'd be a good turning point for her. Like if she wanted to be a princess for a day or something. I think I still have the crown and dress from 4th grade stashed around here somewhere...

"... yeah and I want him to come!"  
"What?" I reply, having been lost in my train of thought.

"I said when we have cupcakes at school, I really want my guardian angel to show up!" She looked up enthusiastically. "I want him to meet everyone in class and my teacher. And the mean girls will be jealous because he is my friend."

"You mean... Mysterion?" I ask dumbfounded that she even remembers the persona.

"Yeah!" She smiles sweetly. "I'll be 11 now, we can get married! Maybe then he could stay forever.."

I almost slipped out of my orange parka in surprise. Maybe the Peter Pan persona I put on got way out of hand. All these years she believed me when I showed up at her window one day bidding farewells. I wanted to leave her with the sweet memory and believe that I really was always watching and protecting her.

Because I'm her older brother.

"Karen...I don't think he could come.."I say nervously.

"Why...?" She asks warily.

"B-because..." I scratch my head. "It's been years ya know, I don't think it'd be easy for him to show up."

"Oh.." She breaths in disappointment.

I felt guilt build up in my throat watching her turn solemn for a second. God damn it why is this happening! My number one priority aside from staying alive, is to protect her, and to think that most of the time I end up hurting her in the process really breaks my heart.

I ruffle her hair, and she looks back up at me expecting me to say something. I just smile and nod. "I'll get him for you."

"Really? You mean it?" She exclaimed her voice squeaking in the process, pulling my heart strings.

I exhale. "Yeah." Although I had no idea how I was gonna do it, it wasn't the least of my problems.

.

"Kenny Mccormick."

I stand up, completely sober today, and shuffle my way into the conference room. There sat my social worker, Mr. Mackey, PC Principal and much to both of our surprise - Kyle.

Kyle eyed me somewhat surprised and yet disappointed to see me in this setting; he was also very casual as if he's been in this situation before.

"M'kay Kenny, today we have you here on behalf of your social worker, to ensure you graduate high school." Mr. Mackey began as I sat myself a seat away from Kyle on the conference table both of us facing the adults. "Kyle here, is going to be your Buddy."

"What?" I asked through the muffle of my parka, although I had no reason to I felt extra insecure to have it off.

"Kenneth, Kyle here has agreed to tutor you, guide you and ensure you graduate in a completely PC manner." PC Principal mentioned. "You don't have to be friends to be Buddies, but I'm sure you will end up being friends once you spend so much time together."

Kyle scoffed bitterly under his breath, at the irony that since high school began PC principal began to forget we were ever even friends despite the fact that with Stan and Cartman we were a quartet in Elementary. I felt uneasiness build up in the pit of my stomach and I hovered myself deeper into my parka.

"Do you agree Mr. McCormick?" My social worker interjected. "We need your full consent on your willingness to change your conduct and drive to graduate."

I sighed and nodded. Wary of what was to come.

.

"I've done this before."

Kyle and I were walking back to our classrooms through the hallway. "Sophomore year, there was a senior who was failing high school, and with my outstanding grades, they elected me to buddy him despite that I was 2 years younger."

I looked at him assuring I was listening.

"You just spend a whole year together, at least for him since he had a year left."

I muffled a question through my parka.

"Yeah he did." He smiled. "But the asshole never thanked me for getting him to the finish line."

I smirked under my hood. Guess Kyle and I have more connection than what he did with that senior considering that we'll be graduating together. I felt a strange fuzzy feeling in the pit of my stomach at the idea that Kyle and I would be graduating together. If I managed to fail, it would be one of the biggest failures in my life, and the idea of disappointing Kyle filled me with anxiety.

It was lunch time and I sat next to Butters, who was sitting with Tweek, at the corner of a table; they each greeted me.

"Say Ken, I have a question..."Butters asked with his pondering tone of voice, as he held a hamburger to his face.

"Yeah?"

"Is it true that you and Craig have, done the...gay thing?"

Tweek spat his coffee out choking in the process, I had to slam his back twice to get him to stop. "w-WHAT?" Tweek shook, his coffee can spilling over his mashed potatoes.

I chuckle, not feeling up to brag about it again but I decided to tell them the honest truth. No one besides Craig knew about my sexuality, and despite that I didn't care if people knew I was always muffled to be able to explain myself.

"We just had threesomes."

"GAH!" Tweek shouted surprised once again, but nothing to spit out this time he shakes a bit before calming down. "R-really?"

"Yeah.." I say nonchalantly. "Though I wish it was more." I sigh, sadly.

Butters and Tweek naively look at me at an astonished look of bewilderment and acceptance of my sudden "gayness" towards Craig I try to hold back a snicker.

I feel a tray smack the top of my head, causing sudden .5 second blindness and I flinch trying to regain back my sight.

Craig hovers over me and sets his tray next to me, sliding himself in, "Kenny I swear to god," He says in a monotone but annoyed voice. "Stop teasing the naive."

"I-i'm not naive." Tweek replies indignantly.

"You'd believe me if i told you there's a gnome under your leg, kiddo."

Tweek screeches leaping up from his seat scanning for the little creature he regains his senses and sits back down. "You suck.." He shakes.

"My dick."

"KENNETH." Craig growls, as if I just touched his sacred guinea pig.

"Yes daddy?"

Before Craig could retort with a violent response, I feel a tap on my shoulder, I whip around to see Kyle standing with books in hand. He looked stern and uncomfortable somehow, and I bit my lip to rid my smile off my face.

"Sorry to bother you, but after you eat, we need to head to the library."

"Why?" Craig replied, causing a weird tension to rise, and I began to ponder what the hell was up with these two.

Kyle ignored him and waited for my response, and I gulped as I stood up. "Kyle and I have to study." I grab my bag. "Later dudes."

"Later nerds." Craig replied, and I flinch at the sudden glare Kyle sent to the back of Craig's head, almost as effective as Craig when he flips someone off as an actual insult.

"D-dude.."I muffled as Kyle and I walked out the cafeteria. He took a quick sigh of relief as we entered the hallway, and his demeanor completely changed like a heartbeat.

"Did you start your science homework?" He asked with a sudden chirp in his voice.

I have my mouth almost completely opened, until I realize and answer quickly. "K-kinda."

"Cool, we can start from there." He opens the library door, letting me in like a girl he just took home from a first date, I sigh and take in the unfamiliar smell of books and hand sanitizer. It felt somewhat different and bewildering entering an unknown territory, a newborn deer walking for the first time into the wilderness. I felt both anxious and excited I stood behind Kyle, like his date once again. God, I'm gay as hell.

"I chose a spot away from everyone else, I figured we could communicate better if we could talk a little louder." He said smiling, and setting his books down on the table. Having sudden realization for the first time why didn't I realize how attractive Kyle was? He wasn't wearing his hat, and although his jewfro was untamed, it was less curly than it was when we were younger probably due to puberty or something, he had those bright emerald green eyes, almost flawless complexion, he wasn't too scrawny or two short (like an inch or two shorter than I was) but he also had such a bright and cute smile. Like a puppy.

Dude...

"Kenny?"

I almost blush realizing I wasn't only staring at him for a while but I was totally checking him out I look away and pick up my pencil up to distract myself.

"Anyway," He didn't take into account, and continued on his way.

We talked a bit about beginner stuff, like what i'm good at and what I'm not, and some bad habits. I tried to avoid talking about the major ones that he was aware of, predominantly because I found myself shameful of them. The fact that being around Kyle made me experience shit I didn't before, was bewildering enough, but the fact that I checked him out earlier was already an alarm.

Do I suddenly have a crush on Kyle?

It was impossible, I mean we've known each other since we were kids, and I know like most of his flaws. But that's when we were kids and now that I think about it, I don't know much about teenager Kyle, or what size he is now.

"You got a girlfriend?" I ask, as we are halfway through our Science packet, and have already spent the rest of lunch and almost finished Study hall,

His eyes widen, but he doesn't move his eyes from his paper.

"That's not school related." He replies calmly

"So..?" I yawn, honestly brain dead at this point of enough school work to shoot a bullet through my head.

I stare at him, as he turns a page, keeping studious composure and I watch him bite his lip.

"Like I know Stan is still dating Wendy, so I figured you might still be into Rebecca..." Since Kyle and Stan were both two peas in a pod, I wouldn't be surprised if they were both serious with relationships.

"I haven't talked to her since she cheated on me in fourth grade.."He giggles, having been reminded of his failed childhood romance.

I make a soft whistle. "What a shame she doesn't know what she missed out on."

I'm too tired to realize I just hit on Kyle and I'm staring at him with a sheepish grin, awaiting a disgusted response, but he just stared at me as if he was studying me, and somewhat surprised at my sudden compliment. He coughs to return to his composure.

"We should wrap up." He says closing the book.

"Can I ask you a question?" I suddenly ask, stopping him in his tracks once again.

"Is it school related?"

"Don't be a nerd it's just a single question." I giggle, and slur becoming lulled by the warmth of my parka.

As he's putting his book away I let it roll out.

"Why don't you like Craig?"

My question was like a spear cracking ice, and Kyle's calm face becomes suddenly grim like it was back at the cafeteria, waking me up somehow.

"Don't talk about him." He spits, tossing the rest of his books away,

"K-kyle I didn't mean to piss you off I just-"

"I just don't like him okay?" He replied, not looking me in the eyes. "He's a bad egg."

Before I can reply that he is actually pretty cool, and having spent ALOT of time with him is enough to deduce that, Kyle stands up pushing his chair in, I almost zip my mouth shut from saying anything else.

There's some awkward silence as we exit the library, and the sudden school bell breaks the ice.

"Do you want to study on Friday?" I ask, as he heads for his locker.

I anxiously await his response as he turns around, and his good-natured personality returns. "Sure dude."

I feel a heart-string being plucked being able to see him smile again, I take a deep breath. "Your house?"

He nodded glad I took initiative for myself instead of him being the one to drag me all year. I also made a note not to ask anymore questions about Craig.

I had two smiles to look forward to suddenly.

* * *

Sorry for this late update, I lacked motivation recently for some reason :'v


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